Coach Newman's Corner

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February 1, 2009

What should a parent do after the match?

I recently had the opportunity to view an email interaction between long time Austin Tennis Academy parent Don Hackett (father of Grace class of 2003 and Donny Class of 2009) and a less experienced parent on how to handle what happens after a match. I wanted to share this communication with the wider audience of all parents in the Austin Tennis Academy programs. This is a parent who has had his children go through the entire competive system from ZATs to College Tennis. His wisdom can help less experienced parents have the proper perspective.

"I learned years ago a few simple lessons from my cousin Bruce regarding children that I still adhere to today . My cousin Bruce challenged me in the following three ways:

1. Decide if you want to be a father or a coach....you can only be one, so make your selection with care. I have opted for many reasons to be the dad, not a coach. Years from now, I may second guess Donny's coach's decisons, but not today. When Donny needs to be kicked in the butt for not working hard, or for disrespecting an oponent, I will be Thor's Hammer descending on Donny's head. But for now, between the lines, I will stay out of the way and let those with proven coaching skills lead my kids to the promised land.

2. Regardless of the answer to question #1, on 'game day', after the match, I will not communicate the obvious shortcomings of their last match. I try to buy ice cream, or a dinner or anything that displays my unmitigated love for Grace or Donny. The subtle message is that today's match is over and tomorrow is a great day to work on correcting yesterday's negatives. As important is effectiveness, most kids are not ready to be debriefed right after a loss. Much better for me to take my notes of the match and forward them to the coach who will then take the information needed and translate it to Donny. Donny is hard enough on himself....I wait until his emotions have been defused and is ready to learn before attempting to influnce his play, if at all.

3. A hug is more important that a trophy. If our kids win a State title of not, we will love them until the day we die. I do pray they work, work, and work some more to achieve their goal....for only then will the result have life-long value. As parents, the most important message we can send to our children is unconditional love. Win or Lose, unconditional love waits on the sidelines. As parents we should try to display the postitive attributes on the sidelines that we want our children to display on the court and that we want them to grow up to model as adults.

Cheers,

Don"

Posted by Jack Newman at February 1, 2009 8:23 PM