September 2013 – AUSTIN TENNIS ACADEMY

Living the Sport… Parenting Your ATA Athlete

During a recent ATA parent meeting, I observed eager young parents taking in all that they could, and it reminded me of the beginnings of my ATA journey… and little did I know.

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I sat next to a tennis mom in the bleachers watching a UT match where her son and my son were on court together as ball boys. She told me her son was a SuperChamp player at ATA. I did not grow up in the USTA Texas junior system, and I had no idea what she meant by that. The next month, my son played a SuperChamp player at the Texas Open. It was a tough match. At the time, I had no idea that my son was the underdog and the result was an upset. The opponent and his mother left the Texas Open immediately after the match so that he could arrive in time to a National tournament in another state. I thought to myself, ”Seriously… you’re going to drive 9 hours to a tennis tournament?”

Little did I know then what the next few years of life would become as we merged into the world of USTA Texas tennis. And little did I know then, that the next year, I would be driving my son, and the rest of an ATA team, to a national tournament in another state… 9 hours away.

Josh was 12 years old when we came to ATA. Coach Notis invited him to train at a summer camp before the Grand Slam and then to travel with the team to College Station for the tournament. After the first day of training, Josh came home with stars in his eyes… “Mom, this is the place I want to be… everyone here wants to be great!” After spending the past 6 months at the neighborhood country club where kids were forced on court by overbearing parents, and who acted out and bullied other players, or spoke disrespectfully to the coaches, I was excited by the possibility of Josh being surrounded by excellence and respectful behaviors.

I traveled to College Station that year and attended the evening ‘team meeting’. 20 something players crammed into a small hotel room where Coach Newman gave one of his infamous and inspirational speeches to an excited and nervous group of athletes. They were wedged into every seat and open space on the floor and bed. I listened intently to the words he spoke. I was skeptical of this attitude and process that drove the notion of no holds barred competition into my son’s ears. But I was intrigued.

Josh played well at sectionals. He brought home the doubles championship trophy and ATA became his home court.

Our weekends became blurs of tournaments. Church was replaced with another kind of worship – one that demanded time, effort, energy, and the pursuit of excellence on a court of concrete. Although the language was different, the lessons of character were similar. As Josh became immersed in the game, I listened to hours of his statistical analysis of professional players’ win loss ratios and whether or not the last shot was the most advantageous choice based on the player’s attributes. I listened to hours of a Nerf tennis ball hitting the wall in our foyer. And I watched Josh dance around the house shadowing forehands and performing ‘air’ backhands. This was a daily practice.

Looking back on the sweet beginnings of Josh’s 6 year process of ATA development, there have been many ups and downs. But just as with a well-researched and implemented investment, as time passes, the highs and lows eventually create an upward moving curve, gaining momentum and compounding value. Short term results were not always what were expected… a broken wrist, a cracked growth plate, missing the draw by 1 spot, a stomach virus before the finals, dehydration, team tennis, the International Hall of Fame, a rolled ankle, traveling 800 miles to Nationals as the 1st alternate only to be skipped over due to an administrative error, Zonals, Excellence, ITF’s, college recruiting, tears over losses, joy over wins… and great lessons learned with all.

Josh has worked and continues to work forward. He has been motivated by older and more experienced players. He has been trained by some of the most amazing coaches and trainers. He studies the game. He studies himself. And he has rubbed up against quality people of innate integrity and enormous generosity. He has traveled the globe. And along the journey, he has learned not only how and why he hits that little yellow ball, but also how and why that little yellow ball has guided him into himself.

If you choose to embark on the journey of tennis at ATA, you will find that it is truly about living the sport. It is about moving through the levels of play as you move through the levels of self-actualization. The opportunity is here. The supporting staff is here. The facilities are here. The expertise is here. Why you are here and how you show up here is up to you.

Josh’s process has been evident through his power and passion for the game and for his life. The less apparent process has been my own. In growing along with my son in this process, I have had the opportunity to practice patience, breathe, have faith in the process, and embrace humility at every turn.

Just as we ask our children to take advantage of all that is before them, so too, can we, as parents, learn from the amazing people and opportunities offered here, by embracing the process, and Living the Sport at the Austin Tennis Academy.

Looking forward! ~Carol

The Religion of Tennis

from Carol

The commitment to elite tennis is a challenging one. It takes a great deal of time, money, faith, and sacrifice along the way. You may be at the beginning of this process or somewhere in the middle, or perhaps you are coming to the end of youth sports and embarking on the college process.

This journey is not only a commitment from your child, but from you and perhaps even from your entire family. It changes the dynamic of how you spend your weekends and holidays. It restructures how you will spend your money and your vacations. It may also be a challenge to explain to your friends who just don’t quite ‘get it’.

When my son was embarking on the next higher level of commitment, I remember saying to a friend that tennis had become our religion. No longer were we heading off to church on Sunday mornings, but off to another tennis match. There was a shift in our commitments and focus. I no longer felt that his life was ‘in balance’ since so much more time and energy were focused on tennis and less on other aspects of his life.

Balance vs Harmony

As tennis progressed, my ideal image of holistically parenting the well-rounded, balanced child slowly began to morph. Our dialogs about choices became discussions of why and how this choice was what he wanted to pursue over other options. At no time during his tennis career was it absolute that he would continue. He always had the option to stop or lessen, or to dive in deeper. There were times that he questioned his choices and he was given the space to do so. There were also times that I questioned his choices… and my choices to support him. My idealistic balance transformed into harmony.

Parenting is a funny thing… there is no right or wrong way of doing it… and what works for one child definitely does not work for another. But when you want your young daughter to stand up for herself and make her own decision, let her go and do it. And sometimes, you need to make a decision for your child. When that is the case, let her know that you will be doing that for her. At times, that is totally appropriate and necessary, often relieving stress from a situation that is beyond her control.

Having said that, if you are going to allow your child to make the decisions… then you must be totally on board and not waiver from your support … even if it means being somewhat out of balance. I remember a tennis mom telling me stories of how awful some of her friends were to her because they just could not understand why on earth she would send her son to a tennis academy and pursue his dream of playing D1 college tennis. She had to defend a choice that she made that was incredibly difficult and heart wrenching… not ever really knowing if she made the ‘right’ choice. But it was her decision to support her son, regardless of the outcome.

So as parents, let us do everything we can to support our children in their chosen tennis career. Everything we say can encourage her on her path to success – and success may mean winning matches or it may mean winning at being confident, or it may mean allowing her to be in harmony with her chosen path. But if we doubt her level of commitment or her ability to succeed, then she will definitely experience doubt in herself. She needs to know that she is more than her tennis. She is important because of who she is and what she can bring out of herself and into the world.

It is hard to fully determine or express how very different Josh’s life is because of the USTA/ATA communities and the foundational support he has received… so whether his tennis takes him anywhere beyond where he is today… I would say the journey has been very worth it, not because of his tennis-related results, but because of what he has learned about his abilities and the community of support that he has been fortunate to be part of.

The Expense

From a monetary perspective, it is an expensive journey. From other aspects, it is a bargain. But remember, the choice to commit financially to support your son’s or daughter’s tennis and development is your choice, not theirs. I never made finances part of Josh’s decision, because devoting his time and effort was his part of the commitment; the financial aspect was his father’s and mine. If your child begins to look at tennis as an investment, it becomes a job and a burden. While this might be appropriate when he has chosen to play DI tennis and is being paid to play, it is completely inappropriate to expect the same response from a 10, 12 or 16 year old. I have witnessed many children become angry or apathetic at this age and then quit altogether because the joy of the game has ceased to exist due to the pressures of parents. Help him keep the playfulness of the game.

In moving forward and moving up in the world of junior tennis, your child’s journey will require more financial and time commitment from your family as she increases in level. This is not your child’s choice; it is yours. And having been through it, it is not one to be taken lightly. You must choose to commit to your part, and let your child commit to hers. If your child is concerned about how much this costs and whether she is performing at a level that is a good return on the investment, she may not be able to perform at her highest level. (This same rule follows in academics.) Relieving Josh of the responsibilities that are mine or his father’s allows him to be fully committed to his.

I think many children struggle because they want to please all of the voices that speak to them, and that is an impossible task. This includes the voices of a social life. Josh made decisions to miss parties, ACL weekends, family holidays, etc which were never easy decisions. And he had guidance. But the ultimate decisions had to come from him – not me, not his dad, not his coach, not his friends. There was never a decision that could please all of those voices.

Parenting is tough… as is growing up… and the manual is not a static one, but an ever-evolving read. Obviously, we want only the best for our children and we want them to feel successful and happy. And wanting those things makes you an awesome parent. Model to your child how to be strong and confident and engaged by doing so every day. Let her grow and know that she is being guided by people who really care for her personal best.

The outcome is a mystery and we can’t yet visit that destination. But as with any religion, it requires faith so that we can get to the end of the journey with our head and heart in tact. So let’s help our child build the vision in her own mind, help her set some great goals for herself and then, help her get there.

Have Your Cake & Eat It Too? : College & Beyond

from Carol

Choosing the right college is like baking a cake. There are many ingredients that go into the mix to create the desired chemistry and tasty outcome. Colleges can offer: academic challenges, rich cultural experiences, spaces to develop new aspects of personality, a network of mentors, career opportunities, a place to continue developing as an athlete. The amount that each of these flavorful ingredients weigh in on a final decision varies in as many ways as there are people.

In a recent talk I was giving to a group of parents who were embarking on the college process with their first-born, I asked, “How many of you, today, would make the same college choice you did when you were 18? Only 1 person raised his hand. Hmmm. This suggests that things we think are important at 18 may not hold true when we are 25 or 35 or 45.

On that same note, what we, as parents, think is important for our child may not be the only answer. We need to remember that we cannot visit the future of our children and that we are most likely making decisions based on our past experiences.

As an example, ATA CP graduate Blake Davis shares some interesting wisdom and reflection on his decisions at 18 and his decisions today.

Dear Carol,

This e-mail has been a long time coming. I am currently sitting at my desk with a little bit of down time and thought I would give you an update on where I am, what I am doing, and what I want to do.

I am currently in Houston working for Quantum Resources Management team. We are a management team that works for both a private equity fund and public upstream Master Limited Partnership. QR Energy, the Master Limited Partnership, is a pseudo-subsidiary of QRF (the private equity fund) and by only having one management team this allows us to cut down on General and Administrative costs. For the most part, I have been heavily immersed in liquidity, distributable cash flow, and Capital Expenditure analysis which have led to refined lists of possible mergers/acquisitions. This entire summer has been an amazing opportunity that I am blessed to have been a part of, and I can honestly say that I would not have received this opportunity had it not been for ATA, seeing as —– played a direct role in helping me get my foot in the door.

As for what I want to do, where I want to end up, and my long term goals, I would say that I am shooting for a job in banking after I graduate, whether that is sales and trading or investment banking. With that being said, I am in for a very long and arduous up-hill battle due to the fact that I am coming from a non-target college. For any of ATA’s current students who have a slight idea of the industry that they want to be in after college, I would highly suggest they do a thorough analysis on undergraduate placements in that specific industry. In case you would like to show a current student this e-mail, let me put that last sentence in bold. Do the leg work and look at colleges that have a high placement rate for the industry that you would like to work in. Now I know most teenagers have no idea what they want to do after college, I know I didn’t when I was looking at schools, but if that is the case then my piece of advice would be to search for a school that offers the greatest amount of exit opportunities. That way if you are unsure of what you want to do, at least you will have a lot to choose from.

As far as school, it is going well. My focus has begun to transition away from academics and more to job placement, but I have been able to maintain my grades with fairly little stress. My Major GPA is a 3.8 and my cumulative is a 3.5. As long as I keep my head together this last year, it looks like I will graduate Cum Laude which is kind of cool. As for tennis, I am looking forward to my senior year. My doubles partner and I will be heading into the season ranked number 5 in the nation and will have a legitimate chance at winning a national championship. I am looking forward to this year both athletically and academically and it will be interesting to see what I make of it. If you (or any others that read this) have any questions, feel free to give me a ring, I’d be more than happy to give my two cents on the tennis/college journey.

Sincerely,

Blake Davis

ATA CP Class of 2009

Integrity =/= Manipulation

Integrity does not equal manipulation.

Being truthful in thoughts, words, and deeds offers strength and wholeness which will withstand over time the threats of outside pressures. Manipulation, on the other hand, is a temporary solution which asks for, assumes and expects similar results through the use of fear, omission or denial. When thoughts, words and deeds are in unison and fully integrated in intent and impact, nothing is more powerful, softer and yielding than the blanket of moral fiber which is tightly woven and able to cover and protect a multitude.

I wonder: what colors you will spin and weave today?